The risks of desperation: what NOT to do about early ejaculation

When it comes to lasting in bed, us guys can get desperate.

Early ejaculation is super frustrating and carries a lot of pressure – especially if you’re in a new relationship or the problem keeps happening.

In that desperation, many of us turn to methods that range from questionable to outright dangerous. Speaking as a therapist, here’s a breakdown of the things you shouldn’t do, ranked by just how dodgy they are.

Overusing numbing agents

This is one of the most common methods because delay sprays and creams are effective when used properly. Most contain lidocaine or benzocaine and recommend using a specific number of sprays – say 3 to 6 pumps.

But here’s the issue: some guys think “More is better!” They go overboard, spraying way too much. The risks?

• Irritation or allergic reactions: Too much can make things uncomfortable – or worse.
• Over-numbing: If you can’t feel anything, sex isn’t exactly enjoyable. Worse, you might do something regrettable – or your partner might regret it.
• Transfer to your partner: Excess product that doesn’t absorb properly can numb your partner too, leading to moments like “I can’t feel my mouth!”

The key here is moderation. A little goes a long way, and you only need to apply it to the sensitive areas – around the head of the penis.

Using alcohol or recreational drugs

A drink to relax before sex? Why not? But getting drunk or relying on drugs like weed or cocaine to slow yourself down? That’s where the trouble starts.

The risks include:

• Impaired judgment: Bad decisions might happen – for you or your partner.
• Dependency: You could end up feeling like you have to use substances to perform.
• Health issues: Some substances lower heart rate or blood pressure, which can get dangerous during sex. Long-term, they can also lead to erectile dysfunction.

A little social lubrication is okay, but if you’re relying on substances, it’s time to rethink.

Supplements and herbal remedies

The internet is full of pills, balms, and potions claiming to give you “ultimate stamina” and “complete control.”

We might think “Oh well, even if they’re a ripoff, they just won’t work, so no harm done…” But there are real risks:

• Unregulated ingredients: Some products contain substances that can cause side effects or interact with other medications.
• Irritating balms: Certain products are designed to irritate the skin to create a distracting delay. Use too much – or get it in the wrong spot – and you’ll discover the true meaning ofprolonged burning.

Just because it’s marketed as “herbal” doesn’t mean it’s safe. Be cautious.

Physical hacks

Some guys turn to physical tricks like the “death grip” or squeezing their penis to delay ejaculation. These methods can backfire in a big way:

• The death grip: Overly tight masturbation to desensitise the penis can cause long-term issues, including pain, tissue damage and difficulty enjoying normal stimulation.
• Squeezing during sex: The squeeze method (lightly squeezing below the head) can work when done properly. But some men go too far, gripping hard around the base which can cause damage.
• Urethral blockage: Some men even insert objects into their urethra to stop themselves from ejaculating. This is not only painful but completely misguided.

Don’t experiment with your body in ways that could lead to lasting damage.

Dodgy medications

Medications like SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) can legitimately help delay ejaculation. Dapoxetine, for instance, is an SSRI designed for this purpose. But here’s the catch: it needs to be prescribed by a doctor.

Buying meds online or self-prescribing others like beta-blockers is risky. Common issues include:

• Unregulated products: Online pharmacies often sell unapproved or unsafe pills, including “combo” meds that mix SSRIs with erectile dysfunction drugs.
• Health risks: Self-prescribing these drugs can cause serious problems like heart issues, blood pressure drops and dangerous interactions with other medications.

If you’re considering medication, consult a professional. It’s the only safe route.

Injecting botox (and other substances)

Botox is being studied as a treatment for premature ejaculation, with injections targeting a specific muscle near the perineum (behind the testicles).

But here’s the thing: some men take this too far, injecting substances like vaseline, silicone or even random oils directly into their penis. This is a terrible idea that can lead to infections, tissue damage, or the need for skin grafts.

If you’re exploring medical options, stick with licensed professionals using approved methods.

DIY hormone therapy

As men age, testosterone levels naturally decline, which can affect sex drive and energy. Some men turn to testosterone boosters or other hormonal treatments to improve performance.

The problem? Self-prescribing hormone therapy can wreak havoc on your body:

• Unpredictable effects: Testosterone’s link to premature ejaculation is unclear. High levels might actually make the problem worse.
• Serious health risks: Mood swings, fertility issues, cancer risks and long-term damage to your liver or prostate are all potential dangers.

Lifestyle changes like exercise, stress management, and a healthy diet can naturally support hormone levels without these risks.

That’s why a lot of medical professionals don’t generally recommend testosterone supplementation until you’re at least 50, and that’s after a full assessment.

Surgical modification

Finally, we come to the nuclear option: surgery.

Some procedures target the penile dorsal nerve, which plays a role in sensitivity and ejaculation reflex. These include:

• Neurectomy: Cutting branches of the nerve to reduce sensitivity.
• Inner condom: Implanting a layer under the skin of the penis to dull sensation.

While some men report success, these surgeries are still relatively new and the long-term risks aren’t well understood. Potential complications include:

• Pain and erectile dysfunction.
• Penile curvature or permanent damage.
• Infections and general surgical risks.

There are also unlicensed clinics offering these procedures, which only amplifies the dangers. Surgery should only ever be considered as a last resort under expert medical supervision.

The bigger picture

All of these risky methods highlight the anxiety and pressure men feel about lasting longer in bed. Desperation for a quick fix can make things worse – or lead to significant health issues.

But there’s good news: safe, evidence-based approaches exist. From learning techniques to manage arousal to building confidence over time, the long-term solutions don’t involve numbing, drugs, or surgery.

As a therapist, my motto is skills, not pills. While certain products can give you a temporary boost, the goal is to make them redundant.

If you’re looking for help, check out my other resources or my self-help course, where I explain how to develop these skills safely and effectively.

I hope this is helpful – and don’t do these things.