I’m a virgin but I think I have PE

Here’s a question I’m often asked: How can I fix my premature ejaculation problem? I haven’t had sex yet, but I don’t want it to happen when I do.

Sounds familiar? A lot of younger guys – teens, twenties, sometimes older – self-diagnose themselves with PE before they’ve had partnered sex.

This is solely based on their solo experiences of self-pleasure.

But here’s the thing: Are you being proactive? Or are you overthinking and psyching yourself out?

Why do you think you have PE?

Let’s get clear on why you think this might be a problem. Here are some common reasons I hear:

I have wet dreams or nocturnal emissions. This is totally normal. Your body’s just doing its thing. It’s not a sign of PE.

I come really quickly when I masturbate—usually to porn. Well, porn is super stimulating, and you may well have optimised the way you masturbate without even realising.

I’ve got a Fleshlight or some other pleasure device, and that gets me off fast. Those things are designed for intense sensations and pleasure. The sensations of partnered sex are hot, and intense and pleasurable too, but they are different sensations. And you’ll be moving differently too.

My penis feels really sensitive to touch. That’s good news – it works. Sensitivity doesn’t automatically mean PE. And when we get into the swing of regular partnered sex, we can soak up those sensations pretty well. There are ways to do this.

I ejaculated with my partner during kissing or light foreplay. This one’s tricky because it’s about arousal, not PE during intercourse. This may be the excitement, the thrills of novelty, which does settle down. It really does.”

What IS premature ejaculation anyway?

Let’s remind ourselves what PE actually is: when a guy consistently ejaculates too quickly during intercourse, to the point that it causes distress for him or his partner.

That’s key – it’s during penetrative activity and consistently causes a problem. If you haven’t had sex yet, you don’t know how your body will respond in that specific context.

Realistic expectations for the first (few) times

Let’s talk about your first partnered sexual experiences. Here’s the honest truth: Underwhelming. Awkward. Messy.

A lot of us don’t even know if we’ve done it right the first few times.

And if you come quickly? That’s normal! It doesn’t automatically mean you have PE. It’s part of the learning curve and every guy’s been there.

Masturbation and partnered sex are completely different experiences

When you’re on your own, you’re fully in control and focused entirely on your own pleasure. That’s why a lot of guys find they finish faster solo.

Partnered sex adds new layers: emotions, connection, communication. You’re not just chasing your own orgasm; it’s about mutual enjoyment.

What can you proactively do before partnered sex?

Now, if you’re prepping for your first experiences, it’s not a bad idea to develop some sexual skills.

These tips will not only help if you do end up struggling to last, but they’ll also make you feel more confident overall:

• Slow it down and breathe. Deep breathing can do wonders. Try inhaling for a count of 7, exhaling for 11. Do this a few times. That slightly longer out breath calms our nervous system, slows things down.
• Switch up your strokes. Experiment with different tempos, grips, and patterns. And use lube – it changes the game.
• Put your phone down. Seriously, no distractions. Focus fully on the sensations and your body’s response. This one’s huge. So many guys notice an immediate difference when they don’t prime their arousal by scrolling through porn. Let your arousal begin with your own touch.
• Explore new techniques. For example, penis root masturbation. A great way to experience that balance of arousal and relaxation at the same time. Oh – I can do this!

So some techniques there for realising your control, awareness, and how to extend pleasure without any pressure.

Shared pleasure is the real goal

One thing I want to make really clear: partnered sex isn’t about you or your performance. It’s about both of you. It’s not some stopwatch competition to see how long you can last or to be like the guys in porn.

Even men with tons of sexual experience sometimes get stuck thinking it’s my job to deliver the orgasms. But that mindset misses the point.

Think about it: your partner isn’t timing you or giving you a grade. They’re there to share something fun, intimate, and meaningful. Sometimes that means laughter, sometimes fumbling, and yes, sometimes a quick finish – and that’s okay!

If you’re focused on your partner’s reactions, listening to what they like, and staying present in the moment, you’re already ahead of the game. No one’s going to remember how long it lasted, but they’ll remember how they felt with you. That’s what makes sex amazing.

So, to wrap this up: don’t get too hung up on duration or trying to be perfect. Shared pleasure, mutual respect, and a little patience with yourself – that’s what really matters.

Whether it’s your first time or your fiftieth, the best experiences happen when you stop worrying and start enjoying. Trust me, your partner will appreciate the effort to connect much more than your stamina.

Remember, this is about both of you. Relax, communicate, and enjoy the ride.