So in your epic quest to last longer in bed, you buy a stamina training device. Maybe a fancy self-heating affair like the MyHixel Control.
And it’s so futuristic and exciting, you stick your penis into it and… you ejaculate immediately.
What? So much for stamina training. If a silicone tube with a heating element gets you off so quickly, you’re doomed, surely? May as well embrace premature ejaculation living?
Well quite the contrary. I’m here to tell you: it’s good that your shiny new device gets you off so quickly. And I’ll tell you why.
Male pleasure devices are sophisticated these days
They come with AI. They grip and stroke and pulse. And some are marketed as stamina training devices – to help you delay your ejaculation and last longer in bed.
You can even buy these things in places like Boots now.
There’s your Fleshlight-type thing – a squishy soft sleeve usually in a hard case. It’s a full-penetration device and you can adjust the amount of vacuum or suction. Sometimes the inner sleeve is moulded after the private parts of an actual porn star – this one wasn’t.
Then we have strokers which have an open end so less of a vacuum effect. Your penis goes all the way through, if you’re lucky. There’s no case so you, or your partner, can squeeze it as hard as you like. Strokers tend to be smaller and more discreet than full Fleshlight-type devices.
And then the massagers and vibrating things. Cockrings that have a vibration element, usually intended for sharing pleasure with your partner but who’s to say you can’t use the vibration on yourself? Or generic vibrators can deliver intense sensation to a specific area of the penis.
As a therapist who speaks with quite a lot of guys who want to last longer, which device is best? Or are you better off training with your hand or favourite sock?
A heated sleeve is more realistic
We want to emulate the sensations of intercourse or oral sex, so we don’t want it too plasticky. And some heat is important.
A lot of guys say that when their device is warmed up, it gets them closer sooner. The penis is sensitive to heat and heat drives up excitement – way too quickly sometimes.
Some Fleshlight-type devices have a heating element built-in. That’s convenient. You power it on, give it 10 minutes or so and you’re good to go. It makes for more realistic penetration, hence more effective training.
Or you can buy a heating accessory, like a heated prong you insert into the device before use. And these heat prongs can work with Fleshlight-type sleeves or strokers.
Just make sure the material is compatible or the aroma of melting silicone will linger forevermore.
Real-feel and temperature is probably more beneficial to training than these moulded-like-Alex-Texas’s-butt type gimmicks. But the latter might feel sexier and more fun to use. And if you’re excited to use it, well that’s a bit like the excitement of partnered sex I guess.
You don’t want your intimate friend to feel like a medical device. So a recreation of Alexis Texas’s special place and a heated prong could be the perfect combo.
The case for hands-free thrusting
A lot of guys who can’t hold on are thrusting, gyrating, the wrong way. And they don’t know it.
Tightness and tension in the pelvis and lower-body musculature is a factor in early ejaculation.
Some pleasure devices come with hands-free attachments, like a suction cup that sticks to the shower door. Then you can work on different positions and focus on how you’re thrusting. You may well notice those tensions that are undetectable when you’re with your partner (and 98% focused on just trying not to cum).
I know – it can feel a bit ridiculous thrusting away at something stuck to the wall. But you’ll need to get past that or you’re missing a trick.
A Fleshlight-type tube device is probably better suited to hands free. It has an end you can attach to something. But there are adaptors for some of the strokers too.
What about vibration, does that help?
Some devices have built-in vibration but guys often say it doesn’t do much for them. It’s a bit weak – it’s more buzzing than massaging – or it doesn’t quite hit the spot.
And this is where massager-vibrator devices come into their own. You can move them around and direct them to the area where you’re most sensitive. That’s usually around the head of the penis and just below at the frenulum area.
This is where a lot of guys get over-stimulated during intercourse, and it’s difficult to recreate this with your hand. With most vibrating rings you can adjust the intensity of the vibration too, to incrementally build up your tolerance.
Pleasuring yourself vs challenging yourself
Most men who ejaculate sooner than desired find they last longer when they masturbate. Even if just a bit longer. The pressure is off, they don’t have performance stress. It’s easer to pause and slow down.
But here’s the thing. You don’t want a device that you can always take your time with. Therapeutically, it’s really useful if your device gives you early ejaculation.
Take a guy who can masturbate for 5 minutes but ejaculates within a minute of intercourse. Maybe he lasts 20 seconds. Now if he gets a device – maybe one that heats up, feels closeish to the real thing – he might put his penis in and last 30 seconds.
This is quite common. There’s something about full penetration and feeling enveloped by warmth and wetness.
And he’s disappointed. But it’s good news because now he can recreate the problem solo, in the privacy of his own bathroom. Now he can get to work on it. He can experiment. His movement, his breathing, his angle and depth of penetration, etc. That’s legitimate training.
Or a vibrator that stimulates his penis in a different way to his hand. If he identifies that spot that triggers him, great. Now he’s got something to work on.
If you just last as long as you like with your device, you might carry this relaxation over into partnered sex. Manufacturers sometimes say you’re rewiring your brain to last longer. Maybe, but you might be setting yourself up for disappointment.
If we’re not learning to move or thrust or ease into penetration differently, we do all this ‘training’ and lead our partners confidently into the bedroom and boom – same old disappointment. So we want a device that challenges us, stimulation-wise.
Do you need to splash out on a fancy device?
No, it’s more of a nice-to-have. I cover all the options in my self-help course, and you can absolutely work on your skills without any gadgets or equipment. But they can be genuinely useful.
If you’re heading over to Amazon right now, I’d say that a full-penetration Fleshlight-type device is your best bet.
I’ll link to a few options and note that I’m not affiliated or selling anything here. Just send me a postcard when you reach sexual stamina nirvana.
The MyHixel is a good option. It’s specifically for overcoming PE and has built-in heating and an app with a training plan. It even connects with the app via bluetooth. It knows how long you’re banging away for.
Fleshlight the brand have a Stamina Training Unit, and a heating accessory for pretty much all their devices.
When it comes to strokers, they’re usually more affordable. The Fleshlight Quickshot is immensely popular.
And massager and vibe-type devices are even more affordable. You won’t get that real-feel penetration effect, but vibes are still really useful for mixing things up and building your tolerance to sensation.
So there we have it – I hope this has been helpful and good luck whether you take the sleeve or stroker route!
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